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# The 14 Habits That Destroyed Me — And What Illness Taught Me
- URL: https://orange-healing.ghost.io/the-14-habits-that-destroyed-me-and-what-illness-taught-me/
- Published: 2025-06-17T14:34:15.000Z
- Updated: 2025-09-27T11:10:45.000Z
- Author: Summer
- Tags: Wellness

Before healing, there was destruction.

I didn’t get sick overnight. My illness was years in the making — built on unhealthy patterns I thought were normal. For a long time, I ignored my body, silenced my emotions, and ran away from myself.

But life forced me to pause.

This is the raw truth of the habits that broke me — and the lessons I learned on my way back to health.

I had bad habits. I was depressed all the time. I never loved myself.

Let’s look at my mistakes and how I am now:

**1.I was sleeping very poorly.**

I used to go to bed late and wake up early. I was usually sleeping 5-6 hours. I would wake up feeling very tired, and the sleep was never enough.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/ca/03/ca032d74-9630-400f-80a1-f554b6f44070/content/images/2025/06/IMG_0281-1.jpeg)

*Now: My sleep is very regular now. Even if I go to bed a bit late, like around midnight, I still sleep for about 10 hours. At worst, I get 8 hours of sleep. So I usually sleep 8 to 10 hours and wake up feeling rested.*

*To sleep better, I meditate before bed. I completely cut off blue light. I also take melatonin.*

  
**2.I can’t say I exercised much.**

I would go for 2-3 months, satisfy my enthusiasm, and stop once I felt my body was fit enough.

*Now: I exercise regularly now. Since I need to do physical therapy, I’m kind of obligated anyway. But I feel so good when I exercise. Even when I don’t have physical therapy sessions, I still work out a lot on my own.*

*I try to do strength training, walking, pilates, yoga — everything. Movement has become one of the most essential things for me.*

  
**3.I didn’t like the sun.**

I would avoid it whenever I saw it. I was always wearing a hat and sunglasses. At home, I would keep the curtains closed.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/ca/03/ca032d74-9630-400f-80a1-f554b6f44070/content/images/2025/06/IMG_20220212_080013-1.jpeg)

*Now: I’ve learned how important the sun is. It’s especially a crucial source for vitamin D. It also helps heal the mitochondria and provides energy. The sun is something that heals the body. Avoiding it is a big mistake.*

*I feel so good when I get sunlight now. I even stopped using sunscreen. Every morning, I get sunlight regularly. I also try to get some sun exposure in the evenings.*

*I don’t go out when it’s too hot around noon, but I always try to stay in environments where I can get natural sunlight.*

  
**4.I let myself be consumed by sugar.**

I could never say no to sweets. And after eating them, I would feel a deep sense of guilt. I kept putting myself on restrictive diets.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/ca/03/ca032d74-9630-400f-80a1-f554b6f44070/content/images/2025/06/IMG_0132-1.jpeg)

*Now: I’ve learned how harmful sugar — or carbohydrates — are for me. I can say I learned this through experience. When I cut carbs, even including rice, I feel better, more energetic, and healthier. My gut health has also improved.*

*Sugar makes you addicted. Back when I used to eat sugar, I was constantly thinking about food, but now it’s not like that. I only eat when I’m actually hungry. My addiction is gone, and my brain health is much better.*

  
**5.I was constantly counting calories.**

Most of the time, I was on a diet. I kept following restrictive diets. I counted everything I ate and ate very little. That’s why my immune system was very weak.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/ca/03/ca032d74-9630-400f-80a1-f554b6f44070/content/images/2025/06/IMG_4849-1.jpeg)

*Now: I no longer count calories or follow restrictive diets. I give my body what it needs. I don’t starve myself because I need energy.*

*I only focus on eating organic food and practicing intermittent fasting, because this way is much healthier.*

  
**6.I was constantly working.**

I was doing two jobs at the same time. I was very ambitious. I worked seven days a week, sometimes even at night. I was obsessed with work.

*Now: My current situation isn’t very suitable for working. I can’t take a full-time job because my treatment is still ongoing. So I don’t have much to say about that. But I keep writing my blog and sharing what I do on social media. It feels like a fun kind of work for me.*

*I do it simply to share my experience and reach good people, without getting too caught up in it.*

  
**7.I wasn’t making time for myself.**

Even when I had free time, I would either find something to work on, find something to worry about, or start cleaning.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/ca/03/ca032d74-9630-400f-80a1-f554b6f44070/content/images/2025/06/IMG_2833-1.jpeg)

*Now: Partly because I have more free time now, I can fully dedicate time to myself. I have time for my hobbies, and I can do the things I enjoy. I’m able to enjoy life. For example, I can go out to the garden and read a book, or I can play video games. In the past, these things felt like a waste of time.*

*But now I know how much my mind and body need them, and I act accordingly.*

  
**8.I was living in isolation.**

I wouldn’t say I was very antisocial, but I didn’t really enjoy interacting with people. I was mostly introverted.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/ca/03/ca032d74-9630-400f-80a1-f554b6f44070/content/images/2025/06/IMG_4358-1.jpeg)

*Now: After my illness, my social circle became smaller. Some people distanced themselves, and I was left a bit alone. That’s why I mostly spend time with my close family now. You could say I see very few people. But I’m more open than before to meeting people, going out, and being in crowds.*

*Sometimes it still feels strange to be outside because people can stare at me — at my walking, for example — and that can upset me. But I feel much more comfortable now. Social media used to make me very anxious, but not anymore.*

*Now I can express myself easily. It used to be hard for me to even show my face; I was embarrassed. But not anymore. I even stream on Twitch now.*

  
**9.I had bad habits.**

From time to time, I smoked — sometimes cigarettes, sometimes cigarillos. And I would also drink alcohol.

*Now: I’ve completely quit all bad habits. The smell of cigarettes even bothers me now.*

*I wasn’t drinking much alcohol before, but now I’ve completely cut it out. Because it kills cells — especially brain cells — I never want to consume it.*

  
**10.I wasn’t spending much time in nature.**

I was disconnected from my essence. I had gotten so used to being drowned in city life.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/ca/03/ca032d74-9630-400f-80a1-f554b6f44070/content/images/2025/06/IMG_20210804_093017-1.jpeg)

*Now: I can say that I’ve completely returned to nature now. Since our house has a garden, I spend time there. I have flowers, and I spend time with them. When we have time, we go and visit beautiful places — places surrounded by nature. I take vacations, I ground myself, I hug trees.*

*I really want to grow and plant things too, but I haven’t done that yet. Hopefully, I will.*

*Nature truly heals people. Once, I went to a place surrounded by very high mountains. I felt so good there. Of course, there was a lot of oxygen, and because of that, even my balance was much better. Nature truly heals.*

  
**11.I was hoping therapists could save me.**

I kept going to psychiatrists and psychologists, but none of them could help, because the real problem was inside me.

By the way, I don’t want to overlook the great help I received from therapists. It’s just that I was seeing too many of them, and since I never followed their advice, getting help became pointless.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/ca/03/ca032d74-9630-400f-80a1-f554b6f44070/content/images/2025/06/8B26FA0E-1B68-4861-9E5A-65FA352CC5D5-1.jpeg)

*Now: I’m still seeing a therapist because I take medication and need to be monitored. This time, my therapist’s approach is different — it’s Jungian. We work on my subconscious, and it really helps me a lot. I feel very good.*

*I go every two weeks now, and I’m consistent with it. Having therapy is very valuable. It’s something everyone needs nowadays.*

  
**12.I never rested.**

I was constantly tired, yet I kept pushing myself to exhaustion.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/ca/03/ca032d74-9630-400f-80a1-f554b6f44070/content/images/2025/06/IMG_2126-1.jpeg)

*Now: I think my illness was also a way of telling me: “Stop, rest now.” I never knew how to rest before. But now, since I listen carefully to my body’s signals, I know exactly when I need to rest.*

*When I’m tired, I don’t force myself. Since I get enough sleep, I rest properly and keep my energy up.*

  
**13.I was obsessed with housework and cleaning.**

I had a strong fixation on cleanliness. I was constantly organizing and washing everything. Every morning when I woke up, I would clean the house.

*Now: In the early stages of my illness, my mobility wasn’t good, so it was impossible for me to do housework. But as I got better over time, I adapted to doing housework too, because it’s part of life. For example, I sometimes do simple tasks like clearing the table, washing the dishes, or vacuuming my room.*

*But I no longer obsess like I used to — like thinking “this is messy” or “that’s dirty, I must clean it right away.”Those obsessions are gone.*

  
**14.I wasn’t showing myself any self-compassion.**   
  
Whenever I made a mistake, I would blame myself harshly.

*Now: I can say that I’ve learned how to be compassionate toward myself. Reading Kristin Neff’s book on self-compassion helped me a lot. I also took a compassion-focused mindfulness course.*

*With all of this, even though it was difficult, I’ve learned to love myself and to feel compassion for myself. Of course, I still have moments when I feel bad, when I can’t feel compassion and get angry at myself — but I’m doing much better.*

---

This illness taught me valuable lessons from my mistakes. Today, I can say I’m stronger, I’m becoming the best version of myself, and I’m fully committed to the path ahead.